Mother May I

Pigsey,

I am 39 years old and finding that I'm turning into my mother. Not the cool stuff she does, you know like bake and sew quilts... I'm talking the crazy stuff, the guilt trips, the anxiety, the martyr syndrome... how do I make it stop!?!

-SquirrelGirl

Yarr SquirrelGirl,

Yarr - at 39 ye be a wench of fine taste like a finely aged grog. Bitchiness in the form of anxiety, martyrdom and guilt trips is just a sign of ye body saying it's hitting his prime. Don't worry - all wenches go through this transformation and come out a beautiful bitch. Use ye wisdom to force others into ye will - after all that be the American spirit.

Embrace the hypocrisy of the majority of landlubbers - we often dislike what we actually are or turn into. Nice people get walked all over - use ye new wenchy-tude to truly own yourself and just be ye. But try to keep the keelhauling to a minimum. Barnacle be mightly painful.


Remember that nice gals be boring - as this item from Etsyian BadGirlsGoToHell points out Bad Girls go to Hell. And let's face it, Davy Jones locker be where all the fun is.

-Pirate Pigsey
pigseyart.etsy.com